Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
