I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
