your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
