i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize