my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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