all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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