Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
