wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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