tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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