i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
