Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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