Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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