I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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