Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
