this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
