Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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