So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
