i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
