Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
