For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
