Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize