the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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