the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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