she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
