question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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