the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
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