I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
