I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize