I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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