You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
