I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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