Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
