You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
