There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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