I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
