She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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