Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
