It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
