I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
