There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
