whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
