Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
