What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
