i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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