Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
