I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
