Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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