didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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