I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize