my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
