I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
