my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
