So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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