Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
