i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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