this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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