I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
