So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize