I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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