I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize