i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
