So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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