Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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