it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
