If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
