grandma shit on top of the toilet
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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