....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
