On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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