you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
