Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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