He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
