The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
