whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
