sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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