mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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