I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
