You made me cry and you don't even care
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
