so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
