If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize