make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
