I think my fart just growled at me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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