I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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