Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
