Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize