there's paper in my vomit.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
