Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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