so explain again why im purple
no
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
