god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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